What shall I do?

[The Indomitable DrugS]

My moms birthday is on Christmas Eve.

Every year she throws a big party at her MTV Cribs like mansion in the woods where she lives.

She goes all out on food and booze for her guests.

I can't tell you how many times my brothers successfully managed to parlay dinner with mom for her birthday and banging a ho on the same night...in the same house.

After dinner, I'd be off in my old bedroom with the door locked getting ready for Santa Anita ... till I got tired enough to lay down, rub one out in a sock, and go to bed.