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#1
04-28-2013, 03:35 PM
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A Woman's Poem.
 Unknown He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake, He said my biscuits were too hard Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do.. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked the shiit out of him... Like his mother used to do. 
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"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680) 
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#2
04-29-2013, 07:03 PM
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My nephew pulled some stuff from three old hard drives of mine onto a cd.
Going thru i found this old SNL skit by De Nero and several other funny bits....easily found on YouTube...Hiliarious.. http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...=0&FORM=NVPFVR
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"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680)
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#3
05-10-2013, 10:50 AM
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An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?' The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. "After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. "Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred." The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
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#4
05-10-2013, 12:19 PM
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Good one kings.
Here's an oldie but goodie.. SIPPING VODKA > >> > >>> A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly > >> > >>>speak. > >> > >>>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. > >> > >>> The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous > >> > >>>on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. > >> > >>> If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." > >> > >>> So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning > >> > >>>of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to > >> > >>>talk up a storm. > >> > >>> Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the > >> > >>>following note on the door: > >> > >>> 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. > >> > >>> 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. > >> > >>> 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. > >> > >>> 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. > >> > >>> 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. > >> > >>> 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C. > >> > >>> 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as > >> > >>>Daddy, Junior and the Spook. > >> > >>> 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him. > >> > >>> 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his > >> > >>>donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass. > >> > >>> 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." > >> > >>> 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, > >> > >>>"Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" > >> > >>> 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry," > >> > >>> 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub > >> > >>>thanks for the grub, yeah God. > >> > >>> 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. > >> > >>>Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
__________________
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680)
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#5
05-10-2013, 02:48 PM
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Quote:
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#6
05-14-2013, 01:04 PM
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A REAL DILEMMA
....... NRA joke! Now this would be embarrassing  A man walked into a crowded local bar, waved his 6-shot revolver around, and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled out, "You're gonna need more ammo!"
__________________
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680)
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#7
05-14-2013, 04:09 PM
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Quote:
What about the horse that walked into a bar... the barkeep look him over and said "Hey big fella, why the long face?" I was told this was one of two of the greatest jokes ever. The other was slightly off color. Let me know if I should post it (non-cursing of course)
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