Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[bigrun]

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

[mclem0822]

Originally Posted by bigrun

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

[geeker2]

Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?

A: Undocumented democrats.

Actually I think this is even funnier


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5635416.html

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by geeker2

Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?

A: Undocumented democrats.

Actually I think this is even funnier


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5635416.html

On that page Geraldo dares to question Hannity

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ml?cps=gravity

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by geeker2

Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?

A: Undocumented democrats.

Actually I think this is even funnier


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5635416.html

And this cartoon just in..Boehner Blowing Smoke

[bigrun]

My wife reduced our sex life to twice a week, which isn't bad, I know three guys she cut out completely..

Rodney Dangerfield

[bigrun]

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types and values. At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison. Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, ".....but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you?" He said, "...Screw him...give him a dollar." The blonde then blushed and said, "....But the breakfast was my idea."

[bigrun]

62-year-old Sheridan , Wyoming cowboy: "Gimme 3 packets of Trojans."
Pharmacist: "Do you need a paper bag?"
Cowboy: "Nah ... She's purty good lookin'...."
When you are over sixty-one who gives a shit?

***********

This ******* looked at my beer belly last night and
sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
When you are over sixty-one who gives a shit?

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your
hair cut, you'd look okay."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over
there instead of you."
When you are over sixty-one who gives a shit?

***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess
what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose
patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over sixty-one who gives a shit?

***********