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#1
06-02-2011, 02:51 PM
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Facts about The killing of Osama Bin Laden:
1) Fugitive for 19 years. Hunted by Saudi Arabia ,Interpol , Scotland Yard, Mossad, and the CIA. 2) CIA was looking for him for last 14 years. Found him twice and lost him twice. Cost $1.8 Billion 3) CIA had 4 directors over this time period,1997- 2011. All failed to capture Bin Laden. 4) Obama appoints Leon Panetta son of Italian immigrants as new CIA director April 28th, 2011 5) Mr. Panetta calls in a few favors from friends in New York , New Jersey and Chicago on April 29th 2011. 6) They plan a raid over some espresso and cannolis April 30th, 2011. Decide to dress as Navy Seals. 7) Bin Laden is killed (not captured or held for trial) and the body is dumped at sea May 1, 2011. (also known as “swimming with the fishes” in Italian folklore) 8) Job done in less than 100 hours: Reward $25,000,000 9) Estimated savings of not having a trial $200,000,000. 10) Shop Italian Taking care of business since 1603!! 
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#2
06-02-2011, 08:43 PM
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Quote:
i may need something like this for my upcoming tour of convalescent homes in italian neighborhoods. what do you charge for a zinger like this?
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#3
06-08-2011, 08:46 AM
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A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.
I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster Patron. Champagne. I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?" "No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting a blow job tonight." I said "Would you care for dessert?"
__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!"
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#4
06-08-2011, 02:00 PM
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A big city lawyer went duck hunting. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's
field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here." The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial lawyers around, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own. The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in these parts. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up." The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face. The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"
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#6
06-08-2011, 02:38 PM
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Two Headed Deer
No joke, but came across this from a newspaper in San Leon, Texas.
http://seabreezenews.com/back%20issu...1/Page_01c.pdf
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