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#1
04-06-2009, 02:13 PM
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A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.
A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.' The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. 'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!' 'That must've been scary,' said the teacher. 'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back, went Sssss!, Sssss!!, Sssss!!!..... and before she could say '****!', the Rottweiler ate her!' The teacher had to leave the room. 
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#2
04-06-2009, 02:41 PM
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The doctor told his patient, "I have good news and I have bad news."
The patient said, "Let me have the bad news first." Doctor says, "The bad news is that you have an incurable disease, and you have only six months to live." The patient asked, "What's the GOOD news?" "Well - you see that nurse out there with the great big tits? - I'm FUCl<ING her !!!!"
__________________
We've Gone Delirious
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#3
04-06-2009, 06:34 PM
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Old and simple, I really like this one
 ! Quote:
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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#5
04-06-2009, 08:54 PM
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Daughter turns to her mama one day and asks her" Mama I heard that if her swallow sperm, you can get pregnant is that true"? Her mama says " that aint how you get pregnant, but it is how you pay the rent"!
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#6
04-09-2009, 06:08 AM
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Heard any good jokes lately?
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you have regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the expressway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but.......something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have technology now to build you a new penis that will work as well as your old one did, even better, in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch". The man perks up at this. "So", the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want.......But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it is important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk with his wife. the doctor comes back the next day. The doctor asked "have you spoken with your wife"? "I have", said the man. "And has she helped you in making the decision"? "She has", said the man. "And what is it"? asked the doctor. "We're getting granite countertops".
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#7
04-11-2009, 08:09 AM
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A man in a bar asks the bartender where he might get some action in town. The bartender gives the man an address and tells him to knock on the door and say "big Moe wants to get fu**ed". The man thanks the bartender finishes his drink and leaves. When he gets to the address he knocks on the door and hears a burly mans voice say "waddya want" so he replies "big Moe wants to get fu**ed". After a few seconds he hears "slip a fifty under the door". He slips a fifty under the door and nothing happens. He knocks again and hears the same voice say "waddya want" so he replies "big Moe wants to get fu**ed". After a few second he hears... "again?"
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