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#1
03-11-2009, 09:54 PM
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They all said timmigirvan blows camels. 
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#2
03-11-2009, 10:07 PM
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....and here I thought you had to be 18 yrs old to be on DT!
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#3
03-11-2009, 10:17 PM
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So, there's this Jew up in a Canyon....
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#4
03-12-2009, 08:56 AM
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When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995 (in Tampa Bay, FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
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#5
03-16-2009, 01:10 PM
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One for St. Paddy's Day
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted
> island for over 10 > years, saw a speck on the horizon. > He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a > ship" > > As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out > even the > possibilities of a small boat or a raft. > > Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a > black wet suit. > Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the > top of the wet > suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! > > She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, > "Tell me, how long > has it been since you've had a good cigar?" > > "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. > > With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof > pocket on the left > sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of > cigars and a > lighter. > > He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. > "Faith and begorrah," > said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd almost > forgotten how great a smoke > can be!" > > "And how long has it been since you've had a drop > of good Bushmill's Irish > Whiskey?" asked the blonde. > > Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." > > Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, > unzipped a pocket > there and removed a flask and handed it to him. > > He opened the flask and took a long drink. " 'Tis > nectar of the gods!" > shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly > fantastic!!!" > > At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip > the long front of > her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the > trembling man and > asked, "And how long has it been since you played > around?" > > With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and > sobbed, "Jesus, > Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf > clubs in there too!"
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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#6
03-16-2009, 01:45 PM
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Quote:
Classic! 
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#7
03-16-2009, 03:00 PM
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6 affairs
>> The 1st Affair >> >> A married man was having an affair >> with his secretary. >> >> One day they went to her place >> and made love all afternoon. >> >> Exhausted, they fell asleep >> and woke up at 8 PM. >> >> The man hurriedly dressed >> and told his lover to take his shoes >> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. >> >> He put on his shoes and drove home. >> >> 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. >> >> 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, >> 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. >> We had sex all afternoon.' >> >> She looked down at his shoes and said: >> >> 'You lying bastard! >> You've been playing golf!' >> >> >> >> >> >> The 2nd Affair >> >> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always >> talked about having >> a son. >> >> They decided to try one last time >> for the son they always wanted. >> >> The wife got pregnant >> and delivered a healthy baby boy. >> >> The joyful father rushed to the nursery >> to see his new son. >> >> He was horrified at the ugliest child >> he had ever seen. >> >> He told his wife: 'There's no way I can >> be the father of this baby. >> Look at the two bea utiful daughters I fathered! >> Have you been fooling around behind my back?' >> >> The wife smiled sweetly and replied: >> 'No, not this time!' >> >> >> >> >> The 3rd Affair >> >> A mortician was working late one night. >> >> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, >> about to be cremated, >> and made a startling discovery. >> Schwartz had the largest private part >> he had ever seen! >> >> 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician >> commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with >> such an impressive private part. It must be saved for >> posterity.' >> >> So, he removed it, >> stuffed it into his briefcase, >> and took it home. >> >> 'I have something to show >> you won't believe,' he said to his wife, >> opening his briefcase. >> >> 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, >> 'Schwartz is dead!' >> >> >> >> >> The 4th Affair >> >> A woman was in bed with her lover >> when she heard her husband >> opening the front door. >> >> 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' >> >> She rubbed baby oil all over him, >> then dusted him with talcum powder. >> >> 'Don't move until I tell you,' >> she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' >> >> 'What's this?' the husband inquired >> as he entered the room. >> >> 'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. >> 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it >> so I got one for us, too.' >> >> No more was said, >> not even when they went to bed. >> >> Around 2 AM the husband got up, >> went to the kitchen and returned >> with a sandwich and a beer. >> >> 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. >> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths >> and nobody offered me a damned thing.' >> >> >> >> >> The 5th Affair >> >> A man walked into a cafe, >> went to the bar and ordered a beer. >> >> 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.' >> >> 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. >> >> He glanced at the menu and asked: >> 'How much for a nice juicy steak >> and a bottle of wine?' >> >> 'A nickel,' the barman replied. >> >> 'A nickel?' exclaimed the ma n. >> 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' >> >> The bartender replied: >> 'Upstairs, with my wife.' >> >> The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs >> with your wife?' >> >> The bartender replied: >> 'The same thing I'm doing >> to his business down here.' >> >> >> >> >> The 6th Affair >> >> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. >> >> He looked up and said weakly: >> 'I have something I must confess.' >> >> 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. >> >> 'No,' he insisted, >> 'I want to die in peace. >> I slept with your sister, your best friend, >> her best friend, and your mother!' >> >> 'I know,' she replied. >> 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
__________________
please use generalizations and non-truths when arguing your side, thank you
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#9
03-16-2009, 07:03 PM
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guy comes home and his wife says ' your boss just called and said your fired'.
the guy says 'phuck him!!....wife says 'i did you start back monday!!!' 
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Hybrid Mode
