BREAKING NEWS: Pedro Martinez ruptures himself FARTING

[the_fat_man]

While we're on the topic of BIGTIME pussies, guess who got hurt again after 2 YEARS of inactivity? Yes, Mike Hampton; just about the only dude out there who can't comb his hair without hurting himself.

Here are the specs (from CNN):

"Hampton, scheduled to make his first start since Aug. 19, 2005, strained his left pectoral muscle while warming up in the bullpen before Atlanta's game against the Pittsburgh Pirates. He was seen grimacing after throwing a pitch."

OUCH, sounds brutal.

But it gets worse:

"Hampton has had other physical problems while trying to return after two elbow surgeries. He pitched only one inning in Mexico this winter before straining his hamstring when he slipped on the mound. He then strained his groin in the second inning of his second spring training game."

Damn, Mike, is there ANYTHING remotely physical you can do that you wouldn't STRAIN SOMETHING?