Did i go too far?

[brianwspencer]

Originally Posted by Bababooyee

FWIW, imho, I think what Wayne suggests is decent advice <gasp> for children who are a bit older than your son.

But there is a fine line, a very fine line, between being a parent and being a friend. Parents are supposed to be parents. This is not to say that they cannot have great relationships with their kids, but at age 8 the parent needs to be a parent, not a friend. Parents should not have to barter with their children if their children are being unruly and not following the rules. You (meaning the child) follow the rules because you are supposed to and then you will get treated with proper respect and get proper rewards. You do not follow rules just because your parent allowed you to barter with them.

That's not parenting in my opinion, that's what i do with my friends when i try to get them to buy me a beer when i'm out of money.

[Danzig]

Originally Posted by brianwspencer

But there is a fine line, a very fine line, between being a parent and being a friend. Parents are supposed to be parents. This is not to say that they cannot have great relationships with their kids, but at age 8 the parent needs to be a parent, not a friend. Parents should not have to barter with their children if their children are being unruly and not following the rules. You (meaning the child) follow the rules because you are supposed to and then you will get treated with proper respect and get proper rewards. You do not follow rules just because your parent allowed you to barter with them.

That's not parenting in my opinion, that's what i do with my friends when i try to get them to buy me a beer when i'm out of money.

lol that's very funny!


yes, absolutely you must be a parent. kids (hopefully) only have two of them, and they need to do what is a very tough job. kids can make all the friends they want or need. parents need to be parents first. when your kids are grown, then you can be 'friends'.

[brianwspencer]

Originally Posted by Bababooyee

Aye, I agree that it would be inappropriate for an 8yo. What I meant was, it may work better for someone in their mid-teens. I definitely think doing this with young children would be bartering; whereas, older children may have the brain development to be a bit more discerning (ie view "rewards" as a result of not doing x-task, but a continuing process of building their parents' trust in their decision-making, etc. ).

but may i say in wayne's theory's defense, that i attribute my now uncanny and quite flawless ability to barter/trick my friends into buying me beer when my cash flow is gone to nothing but learning to barter with my mom at age 13.

[randallscott35]

No kid should have a tv in his room anwyay. Pizza 3 days a week is too much as it is.

[Downthestretch55]

I'll stick with what I've said.
It comes down to creating a loving environment rather than a confrontational one.
It worked for my family.
Get the book. Also, your wife has to read it. When you are both consistant, the child can't play "games"
It's not about "bartering", not anything punitive (that comes from frustration).
Positive attitudes grow in a loving environment, not a threatening one.
In a way, ask yourself, do you do things out of fear or because you enjoy doing them? Children have the same motivations.
You and your family will be much happier with the creation of win-win outcomes. Trust me, it works....all ages over 5.