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#2
12-09-2006, 11:53 AM
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An 80 year old man went for his annual check-up and the Doctor said "Friend, for your age, you're in the best shape I've seen." The old fella replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. I know for sure that I live a good, clean, spiritual life." The Doctor ask him, "What makes you say that?" The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life, the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom lights on for me everytime I get up in the middle of the night." The Doc was concerned, "You mean, when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord himself turns the light on for you?" "Yep," the old man said, "whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me." Well, the Doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check-up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said. "Your husband's in fine physical shape, but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him. " "He What?" She cried. "He said that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him." "AHA!!" She exclaimed.......... "So he's the one who's been peeing in the fridge!"
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#3
12-09-2006, 01:24 PM
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Chinese Jews
Jewish man went to eat at a Chinese restaurant and started to wonder if there were any Chinese Jews. So, when the waiter came over to take his order, he asked, "Pardon me, but I'd like to know if there are any Chinese Jews?" The waiter said, "I no know. I go to kitchen and ask manager." After taking his order, the waiter went to the kitchen and returned in a few minutes. He explained to the man, "No. No Chinese Jews. We have orange Jews, tomato Jews, grape Jews, and pineapple Jews, but no Chinese Jews."
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#4
12-09-2006, 04:10 PM
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I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might
be a comfort to you. It was to me, and it's very well written. I hope you enjoy it because it's the best piece of English literature I've seen in quite a while.... Try to memorize this poem by next December..... " WINTER " a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre ****, It's Cold!
__________________
Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren't very new at all. Abraham Lincoln
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#5
12-11-2006, 10:39 AM
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Fart football
The old folks no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and Says,"Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football." A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says" Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7." Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressures on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
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#6
12-13-2006, 08:12 AM
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__________________
I'm like evil, I get under your skin Just like a bomb that's ready to blow 'Cause I'm illegal, I got everything That all you women might need to know
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#7
12-13-2006, 10:11 AM
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This one is for my Jewish friends that will celebrate Hanukkah on Friday at sundown.
Hanukkah at the Deli During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish - the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday. The Jewish men were dumbfounded. “Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?” they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?” The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said... “Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English.”
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#8
12-13-2006, 10:12 AM
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Quote:
 Are you saying that I'm evil? Douchebag... 
__________________
http://www.facebook.com/cajungator26
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Hybrid Mode
