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  #61  
Old 02-25-2015, 07:57 PM
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"Deborah,you are so right.Arletta has a birthday on Sunday ,March 1.I did notice the throbbing heart you have on for her.Fine choice, by the way....I just didn't know you two were----SAY! How's goes it with the snow up there!?"


I did not know Arletta was a March birthday too. Happy Early BD!

And you sir Mortimer are an ass.
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  #62  
Old 02-25-2015, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arletta View Post
From - Mortimer

================================================== =======

What a colossal welcome back party for me....Mortimer Dexter Foxworthy.

I am beautiful.

Deborah,you are so right.Arletta has a birthday on Sunday ,March 1.I did notice the throbbing heart you have on for her.Fine choice, by the way....I just didn't know you two were----SAY! How's goes it with the snow up there!?



And thank YEW so much,Mr. Old Wuffie.....to Sighty as well.She may like to know my muscles are getting REALLY big!

HUGE.

I had to add mirrors to the adjoining wall.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-X_M1oXXKY



I was happened to be at my local underground major poker game last night.They all fear me.I sat at a table about 15 minutes before rip off.Just so I happened I had new business cards made up and snapped one down,smartly----mind you, on the table.Mouths gaped as they gawked at my quarter inch raised letters in-----in Heroin Purple.It titles me as "Poker Whale"....and has a 4 color photo of Moby Dick eating Ahab.The background to my card is the whitest shade of pale.

But then the silence was broken by Three Fingered Sandusky Paul.I didn't notice him sit down.I hate his guts.He produced from his suit coat-----his new biz card.



It was solid gold.

I really,really hate him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSQwI3rDETk



Everything on it was etched in Old English style.It was making me retch....I turned it over.








Oh my God.





It's a hologram of him fucl<ing Stephanie Carter.His co.ck was ENORMOUS.





=:/







I almost lost it. My eye balls went directly to my nose and my lips pursed in a pinch face rage....but I caught myself in time;then I just smiled and said: 'Yes,very nice. Very nice."


Then I excused myself,went outside and keyed Sandusky Paul's car.

It looked like a road map after I finished.

I sent him an invitation for a private dinner at my place.Told him Huey Newton would be there.Also mentioned we might play cards and that if we do ;I hope he keeps his head in the game.




I can't wait.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V41bEZPo-J4
Don't forget your raincoat! We wouldn't want you soiling that very fine suit of yours.
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  #63  
Old 02-26-2015, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rileyoriley View Post
A Race Wrap Up From Clyde:

================================================== ==

I am now accepting adoration regarding my el perfecto exactanatah for the Whizzen Star.I know it seems so very casual and ordinary as my fine work is almost always perfect.CLYDEFORM! will never fail you;it is YOU, the dumb ass horsey player, who fails CLYDEFORM!!
Fine work and early bday wishes to you both!

Last edited by my miss storm cat : 02-26-2015 at 07:26 PM.
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  #64  
Old 02-27-2015, 08:18 PM
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Tomorrow's race picks:

Swale-Ready For Rye

Palm Beach-Night Prowler




Happy Birthday Morty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #65  
Old 02-28-2015, 10:13 AM
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Happy birthday, Morty!

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  #66  
Old 02-28-2015, 11:19 AM
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A Pastey from ~ Morty


=================================================


Hello Dahlings!!

MortimerPoo....at your service.


Lots of stuff today to cover(sorry,no vacay photos) and I thought it would be pleasant to start off with a lovely tune.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3YUMNDHO_E



While you enjoy the music,I would like to thank snot face Deb-O-Deb for wishing me a happy birthday and for calling me an ass.SightyKins;you certainly know a well dressed man when you see one.Thank you for the tip, but I ALWAYS wear a raincoat before chopping off a persons head.But thaaaaaanks!

BIG T.Y. out also to Brown Sugah for her birthday wishes to me.....I take it that was for all 3 birthdays I enjoy this month of March? Oh I'm sure you did mean it that way.

And I would like to take this opportunity to wish a delightful little curmudgeon,THE Arletta, a very fun filled birthday on Sunday.....March 1.That's the same day Chaucer was released by his captors;forgot all the details, but coincidental.He ,by the way, was the author of Canterbury Tails------a really filthy book.So huge high fives to him as well.


Daffy Danny thinks JMess is smart.

I am actually beginning to visualize Hilary Clinton when I see Daffy Danny's name.

Someone kill me.



Dave Schwontz has a new software launch!! It's called NO PACE! You know,the guy whose PR photo looks as if he were saying,"Well don't look at me." I wouldn't buy paper clips from him.

Speaking of clips:Here's a clip of me and Hack-A-Thack and Flat Liner ( child actors from NoAdvantge) at the poker club.They're always the suckers at the table, but they don't know it.

HA!


Anyhoo---- he we are discussing the virtues of women:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzz4QtbTu6M



And here's one from a few years ago;me breaking up with that social bar fly from NA,Tits.Notice at the start I was drawing up different kind of parting,but she made me so sick I had to cut it off right ricky-ticky.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ440xOiyho



Well Stevie, Mr. BlackHeart....I'm not dead yet but well on the way.A murderer on death row gets a last meal request filled, but I can't even get a last membership before I die of radiation poisoning.I know I can be a divisive force at times as well as mildly incendiary, but the greats weren't great because they "gave 'em plastic".

I'm really feverish over tomorrows races, primarily over the returns of two huge faves:Went The Day Well and Matterhorn.CLYDEFORM!! gives both out as BEST BETS O' THE DAY.

NOT,"maybe" or "most likely" or "super filler" or "fourth most likely,IF"....but the very best bets o' the day.

Don't you get shut out,Racing Fans.


Oh, here's a nice video of me extolling the musical virtues of Phil Collins while directing AbbeyGail and TaylorMarie in a Grifter love scene.Scam Artists make such awful celluloid targets.Although,TaylorMarie kind of moves nicely....don't ya thank? By the way guys.....they gave head.

=;>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbUQ2bV--0A



Oh my,look at that time....tsk tsk tsk.

I must zoom;the Ravena Head Shop,The Stinkerbox,is having a donation day.I'm trying to become their largest donor....=;>


One final clip.

Here's me popping a radiation pill before visiting that nauseating Partridge Family.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRBI1VSO7hc




kiss-kiss!!
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  #67  
Old 02-28-2015, 11:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arletta View Post
A Pastey from ~ Morty


=================================================


1.That's the same day Chaucer was released by his captors;forgot all the details, but coincidental.He ,by the way, was the author of Canterbury Tails------a really filthy book.So huge high fives to him as well.


Oh mine Got.
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  #68  
Old 02-28-2015, 01:15 PM
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Night Prowler scratched so all I've got is Ready For Rye.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #69  
Old 02-28-2015, 10:18 PM
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I liked The Canterbury Tales.
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  #70  
Old 03-01-2015, 08:50 PM
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The Big Beast is back!

No, I don't mean you Mortimer Dexter Foxworthy, but that very fine equine who runs fast.
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  #71  
Old 03-04-2015, 07:37 PM
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To Clyde, I present the cards for the Gotham Stakes and the Santa Anita Handicap.

To Morty, I present the cards for the San Felipe Stakes and the Tampa Bay Dirty.
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  #72  
Old 03-04-2015, 07:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Sightseek View Post
To Clyde, I present the cards for the Gotham Stakes and the Santa Anita Handicap.

To Morty, I present the cards for the San Felipe Stakes and the Tampa Bay Dirty.
I believe a contest may be in order for such a super-de-duper Saturday!! Nothing too fancy. Pick the winnah of each race!!
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  #73  
Old 03-04-2015, 08:27 PM
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Someone is going to have to dust me off after my picks, it's looking pretty chalky!
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  #74  
Old 03-04-2015, 08:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sightseek View Post
Someone is going to have to dust me off after my picks, it's looking pretty chalky!
Haven't really looked yet but definitely SHARED BELIEF!!!
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  #75  
Old 03-05-2015, 01:14 PM
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Haven't really looked yet but definitely SHARED BELIEF!!!
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  #76  
Old 03-05-2015, 02:50 PM
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From Morty

==================================================


Sighty.....nice card presentation outfit.

Hot.

Was that a REAL full length burlap gown you wore?





It is time for the fine analysis of the Pothum Thtaketh.

Brought to you by CLYDEFORM!!







1....DON'T BET YER LIFE ON THIS ONE



Sorry, best I could do.

But still better than he's going to do.



crinkle....


trash can






1A....UNINFLUENCED



He's been arrested 5 times for being under the uninfluence.That was by a dyslexic cop.

I think his trainer is ,too.

Well ya know....this is really a horrible race.Awful,awful names that I really can't do much with here.FarFromOver was supposed to be in the mess,but he's not.His brilliant thinkers are tossing him into the Woody.And if he runs a phooey------well then what?



Talk about phooey....I forgot which horsey I'm on.

Oh well;no biggie.



crinkle....


trash can






1X....BLAME TODD


He doesn't know how to train outside of Gulfstream ....oh,I have to whizz.












Done.

Power of suggestion, I guess.

Really burns.If they're going to install a nuclear reactor in me,they could have added the cooling tower.It's like having a tooth drilled without Novocaine.





Aw fer **** sakes-----forgot again.I do recall not being one bit impressed,though.




crinkle....


trash can






2....COMBAT DIVER


Ever see that movie with DiNero?He's a Navy( or "squid") diver.You know, one of those really,really heavily weighted diving outfits.Terrible movie.



So no.



crinkle....


trash can






3....SASSY SASS



I think I know her.

Always with the back sass;you can be her boss or her air conditioning repairman or an irate caller.She will bitch you out but good.

I kinda like her.



But not as a race horsey.

She should have been a free loading doe.


Shredder time.






whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!






4....ELK ABEIR



Elks?

They are that hard up in this years Pothum?



NO!!



crinkle....


trash can






5....LIEUTENANT COLONEL


We would call,in the Marines, these guys "light birds".They really hated it,too.We called them such because they were one rank below Colonel, known as a "full bird".Colonel's logos(=:>) are a big ol' birdie while L.C.'s just get a silver oak leaf.Thus the term,"light bird".

They're upset and nasty all the time because they are not yet full birds.



This one's for them:






NYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! !!





thud






6....TIZ WHIZZ



ROR!!

snort!....I'm such a ham sandwich.

Everyone knows whizz can't win a horsey race.






crinkle....


trash can






7....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7KK7bXJV2c



!!!!OOOOOOOOOO!!!!


I gota million of 'em!



crinkle....


trash can






8....TENCENTER



Uh oh.


A Ten Cents A Ride relative.

VERY bad!




crink-EL!!


trash can







9....HANSEN




yah-hoo-hoo!!!!





KEEPAH!!!!








HANSEN to win the deplorable excuse for a horsey race.
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  #77  
Old 03-06-2015, 09:46 AM
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From ~ Morty


================================================== =

Just became a part owner with my partner for the exclusive distribution of Pez for the state of New Hampshireshore.

Really pumped!


Cheers,

Lease A Mower Otis

-------------------------------------


We also just bought part of the ice maker in the Mickey D's out in Billings ,Montana.


LAMO


--------------------------------------



Just horsing around here,friends.

=:>





THE fine analysis of THE SANTA ANITA HANDYBOB!!

But bob ain't got no horsey's entered! S.B. and Moreno are VERY happy!!

(He knows they're on to him.)





1....MOS' HONO'BURR SO'DFISHY


Excuse me while I throw out all my Confucius Say books.



and now....



mos' hono'burr crinkle....


trash can






2....DIAMOND BACHELOR


Never heard of 'im.



Crinkle....



trash can






3....SR. QUISQUEYANODOODAH



Oh my God.



Crinkle....


trash can






4....DYNAMIC SKY


A MUST INCLUDE in yer 5 picks.



keepah






5....SHARED BELIEF


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBrb0jIR2_8



GIDDYUP WID DAT HAWSEY!



KEEAHKEEPAHKEEPAHKEEPAH!!!!







6....LESSRENO



More cow bell.


A mild keepah.






7....PSYCHOTICANDLOUD



nnnnnnnnnnnnnno



Crinkle....


trash can






8....YOUKNOWIKNOWANDITWILLCOSTYOU500BIGONESSOKNOWO NEELSEWILLKNOW



Boy do I hate this horsey.



BLECH!



Crinkle....


trash can






9....CRIMSON GIANT


Only a dwarf could like this name.



Crinkle....


trash can






10....AT YOUR LEISURE


What? Lease a Mower doesn't own a piece?

Startling.




whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! !!






11....ALUMINUMZO


The cheating coward cousin of Califronia Aluminum.



=:/



Crinkle....


trash can






12....TAKE A HIKE


yay



Crinkle....


trash can






13....HARD ACES


Should it not be HARD EIGHT?

Is someone confusing poker with dice?



VICTOR!!

That dog don't hunt!!




Crinkle....


trash can









1....SHARD BELIEF
2....DYNAMIC SKY
3....MORENO
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  #78  
Old 03-06-2015, 06:12 PM
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A very fine analysis from ~ Morty


================================================== ==========


Mortimer Dexter Foxworthy presents Intriguing Horsey Analysis for the SAN PHILLIPY Horsey Race (brought to you by Clyde's Donuts!!):




1....LORD NELSON


Well yew could have called him Half Nelson or yew could have called him Lady Nelson or yew could have called him Ricky Nelson or yew could have called him Full Nelson or yew could have called him Ledges Nelson.....but ya dadn't have ta call him Lord Nelson.



Awful.




Crinkle....


trash can






2....BLECH BLECH BLECH



BLECH!!!!



Crinkle....


trash can






3....DUODENUM


May baffert go the way of Tuna Helper.



Crinkle....


trash can






4....THE



Ah fergit.



Crinkle....


trash can






5....KEN JIZZSTORM



eauxh mine GOT!!!!



NO!!



Crinkle....


trash can






6....PROSPECT PARK


Finally a keepah.






7....POLO



VICTOR!!!!


They stuck you again!!






whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!







8....PULMMARACK


Whatthe****isthis!!??



Anyhoo----Dick Van Dyke is unable to ride.

He will be replaced by Mr. Arthur Garfunkel



crink-EL!!....


trash can






9....PURR SAMPSON



Had to get a kitty cat in here.

I'm sick of kittty cat avys and horsey references to kitty cats.

To like thinkers;this "crinkle....trash can" is for you.




crinkle....


trash can.





so fun!!






10....THE GOD THREAD AT NA



=:>



crinkle....


trash can







PROSPECT PARK to win and DUODENUM to not.






ASIDE:Mortimer Dexter Foxworthy is boycotting anything Tampa Bay.The Facebook take over of the Vegas Vets Room is the spoiler.
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  #79  
Old 03-06-2015, 06:50 PM
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SA Handicap-SHARED BELIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

San Phillipee-Ouchie Ouchie Ouchie


Batman's Gotham City-Lt. Colonel


The Clydevivor Boycotted Tampa Bay Derby-Ocean Knight

GP Handicap-Valid
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  #80  
Old 03-06-2015, 07:48 PM
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Santa Anita Handicap ~ #5 Shared Belief

Tampa Bay Derby ~ #2 Ocean Knight

Gotham ~ #5 Lt. Colonel

San Felipe~ #6 Prospect Park
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