Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[herkhorse]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding
on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out

there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
God loves drunk people too.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[clyde]

Say,anyone hear ...........










.......oh what's the use.

[herkhorse]

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

[herkhorse]

say, what happened to DrugS' joke? I liked it.

[northeastbound123]

Originally Posted by herkhorse

say, what happened to DrugS' joke? I liked it.

It was funny, really hope someone didn't get all bent out of shape about it.

[herkhorse]

New golf terms
> >
> >
> > A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't.
> >
> > A 'Saddam Hussein'- from one bunker into another.
> >
> > A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.
> >
> > A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water.
> >
> > A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.
> >
> > An 'O.J.'- got away with one.
> >
> > A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.
> >
> > A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver.
> >
> > A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good.
> >
> > A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole.
> >
> > A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right.
> >
> > A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds.
> >
> > A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read.
> >
> > A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out.
> >
> > A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist.
> >
> > A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees.
> >
> > A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole.
> >
> > A 'Hitler'- two shots in the bunker.
> >
> > A 'Monica Lewinsky' - all lip, no hole.
> >
> > A 'Sister-In-Law' - You know you're up there, but you shouldn't be.
> >
> >

[Oaklawnfan]

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that rotten liar before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman.