Lighten the mood here a bit

[jms62]

Received this from an enlightend friend

Dear Red States:


We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, and we've decided we're leaving (just as you tried once). We in the Blue States intend to form our own country.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan, Illinois, Florida, Colorado, New Mexico, and the entire Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A). And you Red Staters will finally have the grand Utopia you’ve always wanted.
To summarize:
You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin. We get Chris Christie as a free agent.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You can try to make the red states pay their fair share. Good luck!
We get science; you get faith in an invisible hand.
We get a cool prez. You get wild-eyed, crazy clowns like Bachmann, Perry, both Pauls, Gingrich, Cain (hahahaha), Santorum (google it), and Schwarzenegger. We’ve got the Kennedys, you get the Bushes.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms who can't feed their kids without assistance.
We get most of the US low sulphur coal and natural gas, all living redwoods, sequoias, condors and snail darters, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT, and 90 percent of the high-tech industry.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, 90% of the fresh vegetables, 92% of the fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), and 90% of all the milk and cheese. You get the corn syrup. We’ll buy bread from your wheat so you have some revenue. (Look the word up.)
With the Red States you will cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, Coulter, and the rest of the know-nothing loudmouth bigots, Bob Jones University (speaking of bigots), and Oral Roberts University (Go Oral!)
We get Hollywood, art galleries and museums, Yosemite National Park, Rocky Mountain National Park, Isle Royale National Park, and what’s left of Glacier National Park.
You get Yellowstone, so at least we’ll visit once in a while. Until you drill it into desolation.
We get Canada as our neighbor; you get Mexico, your supply of cheap labor since that damned Lincoln.
38% of you in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 73% believe Noah gathered two of everything (including mosquitoes) and built a really big boat where he maintained peace and harmony between carnivores and everyone else. 68% think the world is 5,000 years old and dinosaurs walked with Adam and Steve (I mean Eve). 44% think evolution is an unproven theory. (Some probably don’t believe in gravity.) By the way, 90% of your homophobes are self-hating gays.
62% of Red-Staters believe life is sacred (unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws). 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 72% say it was really Dubya who got Osama.
61% of you believe you have higher morals than we lefties. We’ll take that challenge. Do you really want to see Jesus return to pull the lever for the Democratic Party on election day?
And we're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,

The Free Citizens of the Enlightened States of America

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by jms62

Received this from an enlightend friend

Dear Red States:


We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, and we've decided we're leaving (just as you tried once). We in the Blue States intend to form our own country.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan, Illinois, Florida, Colorado, New Mexico, and the entire Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A). And you Red Staters will finally have the grand Utopia you’ve always wanted.
To summarize:
You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin. We get Chris Christie as a free agent.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You can try to make the red states pay their fair share. Good luck!
We get science; you get faith in an invisible hand.
We get a cool prez. You get wild-eyed, crazy clowns like Bachmann, Perry, both Pauls, Gingrich, Cain (hahahaha), Santorum (google it), and Schwarzenegger. We’ve got the Kennedys, you get the Bushes.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms who can't feed their kids without assistance.
We get most of the US low sulphur coal and natural gas, all living redwoods, sequoias, condors and snail darters, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT, and 90 percent of the high-tech industry.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, 90% of the fresh vegetables, 92% of the fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), and 90% of all the milk and cheese. You get the corn syrup. We’ll buy bread from your wheat so you have some revenue. (Look the word up.)
With the Red States you will cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, Coulter, and the rest of the know-nothing loudmouth bigots, Bob Jones University (speaking of bigots), and Oral Roberts University (Go Oral!)
We get Hollywood, art galleries and museums, Yosemite National Park, Rocky Mountain National Park, Isle Royale National Park, and what’s left of Glacier National Park.
You get Yellowstone, so at least we’ll visit once in a while. Until you drill it into desolation.
We get Canada as our neighbor; you get Mexico, your supply of cheap labor since that damned Lincoln.
38% of you in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 73% believe Noah gathered two of everything (including mosquitoes) and built a really big boat where he maintained peace and harmony between carnivores and everyone else. 68% think the world is 5,000 years old and dinosaurs walked with Adam and Steve (I mean Eve). 44% think evolution is an unproven theory. (Some probably don’t believe in gravity.) By the way, 90% of your homophobes are self-hating gays.
62% of Red-Staters believe life is sacred (unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws). 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 72% say it was really Dubya who got Osama.
61% of you believe you have higher morals than we lefties. We’ll take that challenge. Do you really want to see Jesus return to pull the lever for the Democratic Party on election day?
And we're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,

The Free Citizens of the Enlightened States of America

Finally, a left handed email i can send to all my repuke friends who have inundated me with anti-Obama emails for 4 years...I will add, blue states get the lame stream media and red gets Fox..and Red state people must show their birth certificate and Blues don't...

[Danzig]

this should be with joey's 'end of america' spiel.


i read a letter to the editor the other day, in the democrat-gazette, chastising folks for 'believing in that lie from satan, evolution'.

sigh

yeah, that and the fossil record are all based on faith.

[Riot]

Originally Posted by Danzig

this should be with joey's 'end of america' spiel.


i read a letter to the editor the other day, in the democrat-gazette, chastising folks for 'believing in that lie from satan, evolution'.

sigh

yeah, that and the fossil record are all based on faith.

I believe that a recently unsuccessful candidate for United States Congress used that exact phrase in his campaign " Lie from Satan, evolution".

Could be why he lost. Maybe.

[kp319]

Originally Posted by jms62

Received this from an enlightend friend

Dear Red States:


We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, and we've decided we're leaving (just as you tried once). We in the Blue States intend to form our own country.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan, Illinois, Florida, Colorado, New Mexico, and the entire Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A). And you Red Staters will finally have the grand Utopia you’ve always wanted.
To summarize:
You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin. We get Chris Christie as a free agent.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You can try to make the red states pay their fair share. Good luck!
We get science; you get faith in an invisible hand.
We get a cool prez. You get wild-eyed, crazy clowns like Bachmann, Perry, both Pauls, Gingrich, Cain (hahahaha), Santorum (google it), and Schwarzenegger. We’ve got the Kennedys, you get the Bushes.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms who can't feed their kids without assistance.
We get most of the US low sulphur coal and natural gas, all living redwoods, sequoias, condors and snail darters, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT, and 90 percent of the high-tech industry.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, 90% of the fresh vegetables, 92% of the fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), and 90% of all the milk and cheese. You get the corn syrup. We’ll buy bread from your wheat so you have some revenue. (Look the word up.)
With the Red States you will cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, Coulter, and the rest of the know-nothing loudmouth bigots, Bob Jones University (speaking of bigots), and Oral Roberts University (Go Oral!)
We get Hollywood, art galleries and museums, Yosemite National Park, Rocky Mountain National Park, Isle Royale National Park, and what’s left of Glacier National Park.
You get Yellowstone, so at least we’ll visit once in a while. Until you drill it into desolation.
We get Canada as our neighbor; you get Mexico, your supply of cheap labor since that damned Lincoln.
38% of you in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 73% believe Noah gathered two of everything (including mosquitoes) and built a really big boat where he maintained peace and harmony between carnivores and everyone else. 68% think the world is 5,000 years old and dinosaurs walked with Adam and Steve (I mean Eve). 44% think evolution is an unproven theory. (Some probably don’t believe in gravity.) By the way, 90% of your homophobes are self-hating gays.
62% of Red-Staters believe life is sacred (unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws). 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 72% say it was really Dubya who got Osama.
61% of you believe you have higher morals than we lefties. We’ll take that challenge. Do you really want to see Jesus return to pull the lever for the Democratic Party on election day?
And we're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,

The Free Citizens of the Enlightened States of America

Can't we let them have Hollywood?

[Sightseek]

Originally Posted by jms62

Received this from an enlightend friend

Dear Red States:


We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, and we've decided we're leaving (just as you tried once). We in the Blue States intend to form our own country.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan, Illinois, Florida, Colorado, New Mexico, and the entire Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A). And you Red Staters will finally have the grand Utopia you’ve always wanted.
To summarize:
You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin. We get Chris Christie as a free agent.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You can try to make the red states pay their fair share. Good luck!
We get science; you get faith in an invisible hand.
We get a cool prez. You get wild-eyed, crazy clowns like Bachmann, Perry, both Pauls, Gingrich, Cain (hahahaha), Santorum (google it), and Schwarzenegger. We’ve got the Kennedys, you get the Bushes.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms who can't feed their kids without assistance.
We get most of the US low sulphur coal and natural gas, all living redwoods, sequoias, condors and snail darters, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT, and 90 percent of the high-tech industry.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, 90% of the fresh vegetables, 92% of the fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), and 90% of all the milk and cheese. You get the corn syrup. We’ll buy bread from your wheat so you have some revenue. (Look the word up.)
With the Red States you will cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, Coulter, and the rest of the know-nothing loudmouth bigots, Bob Jones University (speaking of bigots), and Oral Roberts University (Go Oral!)
We get Hollywood, art galleries and museums, Yosemite National Park, Rocky Mountain National Park, Isle Royale National Park, and what’s left of Glacier National Park.
You get Yellowstone, so at least we’ll visit once in a while. Until you drill it into desolation.
We get Canada as our neighbor; you get Mexico, your supply of cheap labor since that damned Lincoln.
38% of you in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 73% believe Noah gathered two of everything (including mosquitoes) and built a really big boat where he maintained peace and harmony between carnivores and everyone else. 68% think the world is 5,000 years old and dinosaurs walked with Adam and Steve (I mean Eve). 44% think evolution is an unproven theory. (Some probably don’t believe in gravity.) By the way, 90% of your homophobes are self-hating gays.
62% of Red-Staters believe life is sacred (unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws). 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 72% say it was really Dubya who got Osama.
61% of you believe you have higher morals than we lefties. We’ll take that challenge. Do you really want to see Jesus return to pull the lever for the Democratic Party on election day?
And we're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,

The Free Citizens of the Enlightened States of America

[cal828]

Originally Posted by jms62

Received this from an enlightend friend

Dear Red States:


We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, and we've decided we're leaving (just as you tried once). We in the Blue States intend to form our own country.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan, Illinois, Florida, Colorado, New Mexico, and the entire Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A). And you Red Staters will finally have the grand Utopia you’ve always wanted.
To summarize:




You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin. We get Chris Christie as a free agent.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You can try to make the red states pay their fair share. Good luck!
We get science; you get faith in an invisible hand.
We get a cool prez. You get wild-eyed, crazy clowns like Bachmann, Perry, both Pauls, Gingrich, Cain (hahahaha), Santorum (google it), and Schwarzenegger. We’ve got the Kennedys, you get the Bushes.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms who can't feed their kids without assistance.
We get most of the US low sulphur coal and natural gas, all living redwoods, sequoias, condors and snail darters, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT, and 90 percent of the high-tech industry.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, 90% of the fresh vegetables, 92% of the fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), and 90% of all the milk and cheese. You get the corn syrup. We’ll buy bread from your wheat so you have some revenue. (Look the word up.)
With the Red States you will cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, Coulter, and the rest of the know-nothing loudmouth bigots, Bob Jones University (speaking of bigots), and Oral Roberts University (Go Oral!)
We get Hollywood, art galleries and museums, Yosemite National Park, Rocky Mountain National Park, Isle Royale National Park, and what’s left of Glacier National Park.
You get Yellowstone, so at least we’ll visit once in a while. Until you drill it into desolation.
We get Canada as our neighbor; you get Mexico, your supply of cheap labor since that damned Lincoln.
38% of you in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 73% believe Noah gathered two of everything (including mosquitoes) and built a really big boat where he maintained peace and harmony between carnivores and everyone else. 68% think the world is 5,000 years old and dinosaurs walked with Adam and Steve (I mean Eve). 44% think evolution is an unproven theory. (Some probably don’t believe in gravity.) By the way, 90% of your homophobes are self-hating gays.
62% of Red-Staters believe life is sacred (unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws). 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 72% say it was really Dubya who got Osama.
61% of you believe you have higher morals than we lefties. We’ll take that challenge. Do you really want to see Jesus return to pull the lever for the Democratic Party on election day?
And we're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,

The Free Citizens of the Enlightened States of America

That was pretty funny, but I think the single funniest thing I've seen during the election was the exchange between Karl Rove and Megyn Kelly on Fox the night of the election. After watching the exchange, Jon Stewart said, "there's been an avalanche on bullshi.t mountain." Still makes me laugh when I think about it.

[Danzig]

Originally Posted by cal828

That was pretty funny, but I think the single funniest thing I've seen during the election was the exchange between Karl Rove and Megyn Kelly on Fox the night of the election. After watching the exchange, Jon Stewart said, "there's been an avalanche on bullshi.t mountain." Still makes me laugh when I think about it.

but he won karl....

yeah. that was funny. but then rove kept going on after she said that. like it matters that obama had a lower vote total than before.

and yes, bullsh!t mountain is a great part of the daily show.

[rpncaine]

I was so happy I switched to Fox as soon as CNN called it. That was the highlight of the election to see Karl Rove still in the bubble like that!

[rpncaine]

I'm stealing this.

[Danzig]

just saw an article about ted nugent, trump and victoria jackson's tweets. does anyone find any of the three relevant?
perhaps the repubs should try to start getting current celebs to support them? not has beens like jackson, the nuge (what a freak), jon voight..
cracks me up when they ask someone about hollywood conservatives, and they mention voight. i'm sure the reaction from most is 'who?!'.

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by Danzig

just saw an article about ted nugent, trump and victoria jackson's tweets. does anyone find any of the three relevant?
perhaps the repubs should try to start getting current celebs to support them? not has beens like jackson, the nuge (what a freak), jon voight..
cracks me up when they ask someone about hollywood conservatives, and they mention voight. i'm sure the reaction from most is 'who?!'.

You don't like Angelina's daddy?...He was good in Mission Impossible...watched SALT again few days ago, Angelina kicked some big ass..

[cal828]

Im really surprised that Megyn Kelly is still working for Fox. I didn't see it, but I read that she made Mitt very uncomfortable when she asked him about his gaffes and I remember her gaffe about pepper spray being "just a food product."

[Danzig]

Originally Posted by cal828

Im really surprised that Megyn Kelly is still working for Fox. I didn't see it, but I read that she made Mitt very uncomfortable when she asked him about his gaffes and I remember her gaffe about pepper spray being "just a food product."

they don't care if the ladies are airheads...just so long as they look good while babbling.

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by Danzig

they don't care if the ladies are airheads...just so long as they look good while babbling.

You got that right....except for Greta...

[Danzig]

Originally Posted by bigrun

You got that right....except for Greta...

yeah, they tried to get her looking better with surgery when she first was hired.
so much for that.


she's the vanderbilt of the sec when it comes to women working for fox.

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by rpncaine

I'm stealing this.

I already did.....my email is circulating all over the country...you may get it soon...