Good one kings.
Here's an oldie but goodie..
SIPPING VODKA
> >> > >>> A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
> >> > >>>speak.
> >> > >>>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
> >> > >>> The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous
> >> > >>>on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
> >> > >>> If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
> >> > >>> So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning
> >> > >>>of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to
> >> > >>>talk up a storm.
> >> > >>> Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the
> >> > >>>following note on the door:
> >> > >>> 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
> >> > >>> 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
> >> > >>> 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
> >> > >>> 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
> >> > >>> 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
> >> > >>> 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
> >> > >>> 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
> >> > >>>Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
> >> > >>> 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
> >> > >>> 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
> >> > >>>donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
> >> > >>> 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
> >> > >>> 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
> >> > >>>"Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
> >> > >>> 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
> >> > >>> 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub
> >> > >>>thanks for the grub, yeah God.
> >> > >>> 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
> >> > >>>Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.