Quote:
Originally Posted by trackrat59
I hear you. It's difficult to explain but I'll give it a shot. Ladies, chime in if you have something to add here.
For some reason, the guy with the snow ball is believed to be a better catch than the good natured guy that pulls out a chair for you.
Here's my theory:
This dates back to the days when we lived in caves and grunted at each other. Women are somehow programed to think that the guy with the snow ball is going to be a better hunter and provider, (and more fun) than the guy who is good natured that pulls out a chair for you. It's as simple as that.
Regarding the case being discussed = Women with low self-esteem tend to 'settle'. Deep down they figure they are where they should be or belong. Females have to have respect for themselves to envision themselves with the guy that throws the snowball, brings home the fresh kill, protects them, makes strong healthy babies, and makes them happy, and never abuses them.
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Holding out a chair doesn't make a man a nice guy. Most women can tell the difference between the actually nice guy and the one who is merely pretending to be nice because he's hoping to get laid. There are a lot of guys who do the holding out the chair, saying nice things, blah blah blah, but it doesn't matter; we can smell the anger coming off of them a mile away. At least the assh*le is being honest about who he is.
Which is not to say we don't make a lot of dumb choices in our teens and 20s, but most of us figure it out eventually. I have a friend who is a genuinely nice guy who I remember despairing over being single in his 20s. He ended up marrying a 5'9" redhead (taller than he is!) because while she was willing to date jerks, she didn't want to marry one.
You're right that we're a lot more practical about choosing mates than we like to appear, but it's not about some he-man provider; it's about someone we think we'll still like talking to when we both get old and wrinkly and talking is all you have left. A guy who pulls out the chair for us because he's just naturally kind, not because he thinks it'll score points with us, will do just fine. Believe me.
Oh, and being funny. We like that.