Okay. Per this addendum to the article, turns out that the screenwriter wasn't the cluless one:
"Editorial response: That's my mistake. I misquoted Rich. 'There are major stakes races open to four- and five-year-olds,' Rich says. 'Those are the races I'd have liked to have seen Secretariat in. I have no doubt he'd have done pretty well.' Kerry"
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Ticket Seller: All kind of balls...
Bodyguard: One of his is crystal.
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