Originally Posted by Riot

The Moose - by Woody Allen, Stand Up Comedian

I shot a moose, once.

I was hunting up-state New York, and I shot a moose, and I strap him on to the fender of my car, and I'm driving home along the west side highway, but what I didn't realize was, that the bullet did not penetrate the moose.

It just creased the scalp, knocking him unconscious.

And I'm driving through the Holland tunnel - the moose woke up.

So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender. The moose is signaling for a turn, y'know. There's a law in New York state against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, tuesday, thursday and saturday.

And I'm very panicky, and then it hits me: some friends of mine is having a costume party. I'll go, I'll take the moose, I'll ditch him at the party. It wouldn't be my responsibillity.

So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door. The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door.

I say "Hello. You know the Solomons". We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored. Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half.

Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prizes for the best costume of the night. First price goes to the Burkowitz's, a married couple dressed as a moose. The moose comes in second. The moose is furious. He and the Burkowitz's lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious.

Now, I figured, is my chance. I grab the moose, strap him onto my fender, and shoot back to the roads, but - I got the Burkowitz's.

So I'm driving along with two jewish people on my fender, and there's a law in New York State ... tuesdays, thursdays and especially saturday.

The following morning the Burkowitz's wake up in the woods, in a moose suit. Mr. Burkowitz is shot, stuffed and mounted - at the New York Athletic Club, and the joke is on them, because it's restricted.