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Originally Posted by brianwspencer
I have been sitting here at work all day listening to people on commericals (the TV in our office is right above my desk) talk about their herpes and their vaginas -- including the most outlandish of all....the lady talking about her less-than-fresh vagina and the "odor" and the commerical cuts to a shot of seafood. Really? Somehow that is appropriate for daytime viewing, and frequent viewing at that. I've been here six hours and have heard it at least a half dozen times.
Condoms + preventing disease? = Good.
Condoms + preventing pregnancy while having sex without the intent to procreate, but just because it might feel good? = Bad.
Unfresh Vaginas + Seafood? = The Best!
I got that last little set of equations from an official memo from the networks.
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At times I have the same thoughts when I spend too much time in the fish market.
Here are some tips:
Always smell oysters. Yup, get your nose right down on em. If they're any good, the snozzolla will let ya know.
If they're not, you'll know very quickly.
With fish that's supposed to be "fresh", give em a finger test. Push it in.
If it springs right back, might be ok. Then look at its eyes. If it looks cloudy (stoned), put it back. If it doesn't, well, it kind of reminds me of my 82 year old great-aunt's bottom. Nothing is going to make it bounce back, nor would anyone want to take the time to bother. Put that one back unless you want to visit your doctor.
Now, lobsters are a bit different. Watch out for those claws. If they're swimming, pick an active one. Get her home quickly before giving her a nice warm bath (boiling). She'll settle down.
Blue claws...now coming into season. Watch those pinchers! OOWCH!
They have to be moving vigorously. A nice boil will reward your efforts.
Do you want to know about clams?
All I can tell you without really getting into it further, if they spread them open before you make the buy (I'm talking shells, not legs like lobsters and crabs), might be best to leave them at the corner, of the cooler that is.
Summation....smell, finger test, push, then eat em up!