Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Rupert Pupkin
I think there is a huge misperception out there about vegetarians, and about what they eat, and about their bathroom habits, etc. They eat a lot more than lettuce. They eat fruits, vegetables, grains, tofu, nuts, legumes, etc.
I feel very healthy when I'm eating vegan and my bathroom habits are no different from when I used to eat nothing but meat. I'm not a total vegan, but I often go 2-3 days at a time eating strictly vegan. I'll eat fish once or twice a week. I may have chicken a couple of times a month and I may have a piece of red meat once a month.
|
Rupert.
Meats dont contain fiber (cellulose derivatives). Fiber does something very special. It absorbs a very large amount of water and it cannot be broken down by our digestive tract. When one's large intestines get stretched by this wonderful combination of cellulose and water, a message(and massage) is sent to the brain causing contractions. These contractions can be caused other ways (an especially discomforting way is when Salmonella give off their wonderful toxins that help illicit contractions of the stomach and intestines, rectum... projectile vomiting and explosive mud slides often result in combination). The cellulose is a great way to bulge those smooth muscles and make them contract in a healthy regular way unlike meat.
And my good man, if you go #2, two to three times a day, congrats.
Thats a very good boy. My mom used to tell me this.
If you want to get a really interesting brand of cellulose try corn. If you tell me your #2 looks just the same as when only eating meat, report immediately back to me... no, check that, go to the closest entomologist because you might be a termite (actually termites have the right type of bacteria to break a very stubborn bond between glucose molecules in cellulose). You too might be able to digest cellulose which would be cool because you could eat wood and paper and get calories out of that. Forget the Vegan stuff. Newspaper with a bit of sawdust. Heck if you can digest cellulose, try and go out and lay in the California sun. If you grow (not while observing females in swimsuits... not that growth), you might also be able to photosynthesize. Which would make you a termite and a plant.
This is a community service message brought to you by pgardn. Bowel specialist.
For even more fun try the following. Black beans, cooked cabbage, jalapenos and red wine (Burgundy). DO NOT attempt to date unless you want to be dumped... in more than one way. Just kidding... do not eat the above in combination.