From Clyde
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I,----------------------------------oh my GOD!! I forgot my name!!!!
Phooey.
Wait a minute.
got it!
I,Clyde Collinwood, have just become the newly,duly appointed Commissioner of Horsey Racing.
Serious changes must be made to clean house....and so:
1....All tracks will have a Dwarf Day. That day,all dwarves shall receive a $2 voucher that can only be used on short odds horsey's: 2:1 or less.
2....Every Wednesday shall be Camel Race Day and each track shall designate one race for camels.
3....Sunday shall be S5P Day.All customers shall receive a voucher allowing them to pick 5 horsey's in one race for just $2.Should they hit a winner of any in those 5,they shall be paid on a $2 win ticket.All patrons MUST rush up and congratulate them....vigorously.
4....The jockey's whip shall be replaced by a squirt gun containing an approved mustard.Jockey's may only squirt opposing jockey's.No jockey shall squirt a horsey.
5....who is baffert!!,Doug O'pium,Stevie Ass and Mother Pletcher must spend one year in the Phantom Zone and attend classes given by Mr. Loo-thor.They may not fucl< MISS TESMAUCHER!!!!
6....For our claustrophobic animal friends:New gates shall be put into use.They will be of the open air type having no top and plenty of room.
7....It shall now be the winning horsey's option to take a photo.The animal may choose who is in that photo or the horsey may opt out of the photo;or,can also choose to take a selfie.
8....NO Brit shall be a track announcer.Nor shall anyone be a track announcer who cannot enunciate.....and you can't impersonate W.C.Fields like that nut at ....is it Finger Lakes? I forget,but you would know him if you heard him.
9....Women shall no longer be allowed to wear stupid,idiotic fruit basket hats to the races.However,they may continue dressing like HO's.
10..They hornblower at Santa Anita shall be shot.
Those are just my initial changes.
I think a certain thread n dangling around here should be in the PoliSci Room.A horse got floated----big deal.It IS the same as a designated rabbit.Just so happens ,this time we have a designated turtle.
Same friggin' difference.
Adios Amigos!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icHU...cxOfLy1bgSzjmB