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sign of the times
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I laughed Bigs........that IS funny :D
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What an interesting turn of events in Mt. Vernon , Texas ...
Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand re-opening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground! After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer." But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church ... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means." In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise. The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented: "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bullshit." |
I see how the story has changed from The Foxhole in Warsaw, OH to Diamond D's in Mt. Vernon, TX
http://www.christianpost.com/news/to...atrons-124549/ ;) |
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter
from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1." |
Drunk stumbles into a upholstrey shop and passes out.
He woke recovered. |
 This took me wayyyy toooo lonnnng to see lol |
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That happened to me trying to enter Festivus contest:D |
I had to get one of these to clear my driveway..
Kardashian Snow Blower..I had clyde help me out with this..:D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA5AC77azno |
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Oldie but goodie:D
BUTTERCUPS AND GOLF BALLS Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life... better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!' Then POOF!. she was gone! After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred, where are you?' Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the ***** willows.' Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred' FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING! |
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A blonde describing her recent window replacement with a friend.
Last year, I replaced, like, all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane,energy-efficient kind. Today, I, like, got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago. and I still hadn't, like, paid for them. OMG! Hellooo... Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I'm, like, automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year -- that these windows would, like, pay for themselves in a year. Hellooo? It's been a year, so they're, like, paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot. |
:D:D:D I don't care who you are this here stuff is funny..check them all..
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report Kim Jong-un Feels Snubbed by Absence of Letter from Republicans BY ANDY BOROWITZ Congress’s Approval Rating No Longer Detectable by Current Technology Hillary Releases Twenty Thousand Spam E-Mails from Old Navy |
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