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Ruben Amaro Jr.
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:D
A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, Cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard. The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while The husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband Will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a Coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! The cab driver hit a parked car. |
More AZ bad news..
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Largest Drug Bust In Arizona History
A News Report Stated That Police Have Raided A House And Discovered A Room Containing 2 Tons of Crack. Attachment 2306 The arresting Officers are undergoing counseling... |
What's the difference between a women and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist |
This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what is wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?' 'There's something wrong with my d*ck', he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ' 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.' The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied. :p The waiting room erupted in laughter... Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose. |
Have not contributed in way to long....
Here is one that has gotten some chuckles.
This preacher was visiting an elderly parishioner. She invites him in, and sitting on the counter he notices a big bowl of peanuts. He says excuse me ma'am, would you mind if I had some peanuts? She says sure, help yourself. So they sit down and chat for an hour, or hour and a half and as he gets ready to leave he discovers he has eaten the entire bowl of peanuts. He says, I am so sorry I have eaten all the peanuts. She says " Oh that's ok, since I have lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them" :D |
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Have you seen this card shark.. Did you really think that you had seen most forms of cheating at card games. http://ourlighterside.com/wp-content...rd_game_01.gif Always good to have an Ace in the hole!!!!!! |
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Has this ice cream truck been in your area? Haven't seen it around here yet:tro:
I wanna try the vanilla quickie:tro: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-styl...icle-1.1843305 |
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Its an old one.....:D
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............' |
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