Quote:
Originally Posted by 3kings
Matt, can we have a Thanksgiving Day like timeline? Always makes for a few good laughs.
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Don't think I could do the timeline, because a lot of the night is just a blur. But I will try to give so some of the highlights (I guess that they are really lowlights).
Thankfully the hotel was very close to where I live. Mrs. Math (who looked absolutely dynamite) and I showed up at the hotel no knowing what to expect. We walk past a wedding party taking pictures outside. I notice a couple of stray decent looking women, but the rest of them were the type that would most likely be tagged and released in the wild. There were dudes with them, so we walked right past them in to the hotel.
Find my old man who introduces me to some 2nd cousins and so on (I really couldn't give a damn, good chance I don't ever see them again).
The brides come in both wearing white (looks like a blizzard, no lightweights here). Actually it might be the best I have ever seen my cousin look (obviously one of the lesbians).
We go in the room where the ceremony is going to take place. It happens to be where the bar is set up. Unfortunately my attempts to get beer for the wedding gets denied. Hey lucky us, great seats 2nd row, very far away from the bar.
They start the music (Elton John, yeah there's a F'n suprise :rolleyes: ), let the freak show begin. A couple of very cute kids, leads in to what had to be the worst looking wedding party I have seen in my life. They are so beat, that I'm thinking that they must all live somewhere near Chernobal. Did I mention that the happy couple met at K-Mart {seriously, I can't make this s.hit up})? About half the wedding party is like a doughnut away 4 bills. As far as the other ones go, the guys is wall-eyed and the other girl (who is no lightweight either) is rocking a big tatoo over her chest because the dress doesn't cover it. Oh s.hit I realize that these are the people that were outside, minus the good looking ones.
The ceremony was a sham, plus I don't even think it's legal in Jersey. I think to myself that I might have to do this s.hit again if they legalize it in Jersey. I notice that I'm getting some dirty looks from people who realize that I'm surfing the internet on my phone (but I was just looking for results of the Florida derby, who could blame me?) All of a sudden I hear my name called and all my cousins and I have to go up to the front of the room for some stupid thing with sand art. Yes sand art. Back at the chairs Mrs. Math leans in and asks me to look at the extremely large woman member of the wedding party sitting about 5-7 feet away from us. She asks me if what she is seeing is the womans partners arm on her back or is it the womans actually back leaking out of the back of her dress. Guess what? It was her freaking back busting out and over the dress. It looked like a 12 pound slab of bacon. Hence we proceeded to call her bacon for the rest of the evening. It was pretty repulsing. Finally the ceremony comes to a close with the two brides making out in the front of the room. I'm just thinking to myself, that I get invited to a lesbian wedding and it's the two ugliest lesbos in the whole gay community. Not only that there isn't a looker in the whole damn room! Oh God I think to myself, please open the damn bar.
I have to put the boys to bed, I will try to post part two later.
